The Myth of Monogamy: Fidelity and Infidelity in Animals and People

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Shattering deeply held beliefs about sexual relationships in humans and other animals, The Myth of Monogamy is a much needed treatment of a sensitive issue. Written by the husband and wife team of behavioral scientist David P. Barash and psychiatrist Judith Eve Lipton, it glows with wit and warmth even as it explores decades of research undermining traditional precepts of mating rituals. Evidence from genetic testing has been devastating to those seeking monogamy in the animal kingdom; even many birds, long prized as examples of fidelity, turn out to have a high incidence of extra-pair couplings. Furthermore, now that researchers have turned their attention to female sexual behavior, they are finding more and more examples of aggressive adultery-seeking in "the fairer sex." Writing about humans in the context of parental involvement, the authors find complexity and humor:

Baby people are more like baby birds than baby mammals. To be sure, newborn cats and dogs are helpless, but this helplessness doesn't last for long. By contrast, infant Homo sapiens remain helpless for months ... and then they become helpless toddlers! Who in turn graduate to being virtually helpless youngsters. (And then? Clueless adolescents.) So there may be some payoff to women in being mated to a monogamous man, after all.

Careful to separate scientific description from moral prescription, Barash and Lipton still poke a little fun at our conceptions of monogamy and other kinds of relationships as "natural" or "unnatural." Shoring themselves up against the inevitable charges that their reporting will weaken the institution of marriage, they make sure to note that monogamy works well for most of those who desire it and that one of our uniquely human traits is our ability to overcome biology in some instances. If, as some claim, monogamy has been a tool used by men to assert property rights over women, then perhaps one day The Myth of Monogamy will be seen as a milestone for women's liberation. --Rob Lightner

Book Description

Applying new research to sex in the animal world, esteemed scientists David P. Barash and Judith Eve Lipton dispel the notion that monogamy comes naturally. In fact, as The Myth of Monogamy reveals, biologists have discovered that for nearly every species, cheating is the rulefor both sexes.Reviewing findings from the same DNA fingerprinting science employed in the courtroom, Barash and Lipton take readers from chickadee nests to chimpanzee packs to explain why animals cheat. (Some prostitute themselves for food or protection, while others strive to couple with genetically superior or multiple mates.) The Myth of Monogamy then illuminates the implications of these dramatic new findings for humans, in our relationships, as parents, and more. The Myth of Monogamy at last brings scientific insight into this emotionally charged aspect of the ultimate dating and marriage quandary.

Customer Reviews:

Wow.......2007-05-05

This book explains everything I always wanted to know about our relationship habits and how we are more similar to other animals than we would ever expect. I learned a lot from this book, but also gained a ton of affirmation that my personal life was not as crazy as some people make it out to be.

An excellent choice for anybody that is poly, wondering if they are poly, or just wants to learn the facts.

false comparative analysis.......2006-11-26

I'm sorry but there are some serious flaws with the logic of this book and its comparison between animal behaviour and human. To speak of monogamy in terms of myth simply because animals and humans exibit tendencies toward bed-hopping displays embarrasing ignorance of the tools of human thought. You might as well write "the myth of incest" "the myth of murder" surely there is enough data in the mammal world to verify that killing, cannabalism,etc. are not "unnatural".
Besides a statement like "monogamy is rare" is not very intelligent given the fact that within the majorities' experience monogamy is not only common but cherished. Humans exhibit many tendencies above which it is our honour to rise. This book simply assumes that a human can be summed up in biological terms or that monogamy can be explained as the imposed tenet of a sex-phobic religious scheme. This is simply not true. It doesn't matter how many people practice polygamy since human morality is not a matter of popular vote but a sense of justice(think of incest or murder before you say morality is subjective). The fact that we are the only mammal that requires almost 18+ years to reach maturity would also play a huge role in the choice of monogamy since the needs of human offspring seem to demand it as is amply evident from the sociological problems that plague children in divorce or unstable family situations.
I give it two stars because I see no problem with collecting data on the mating habits of the animal kingdom and it would have received more in this regard had the whole book not been steered toward oversimplifying the complexity of husband/wife interpersonal relationship with the hormone responses of the biological organisms. "Why does monogamy occur at all?" says chapter five... if you want your answer then sit quietly; stare into your spouse's eyes and see your own being and history unfold; see the moments they only have shared; meet a mind that knows your every like, quirk, strength and weakness and loves you by solemn and continually renewed vow till death does part. Monogamy is the crown of civilization and the victory of Equality and Personal dignity. "Why hasn't polygamy occured to me?" Because I AM A MAN.

Finally The Truth, But We Do Have A Choice.......2005-05-14

An excellent book that tells the truth, but we do have a choice. Our animal part of our brain is not very monagamous. However, the cerebral part of our brain can make a choice to build a partnership. That partnership is not based on the fear of being caught, but is based on the joy and delight of building a wonderful team effort in life. LIfe is quite difficult and having this team partnership of two greatly improves the joys that can be achieved in life. It is a case where one plus one doesn't equal two but equals three or more.

"We are biological creatures . . . ".......2003-02-26

Keep that notion in mind as you follow the authors on their marvelous tour of sexual behaviour in all nature. Most of us were raised with the notion that humans "must" be monogamous. Often, animals such as swans or foxes were held up as examples to emulate. Barash and Lipton expose the hollow basis of these examples. The notion of human monogamy becomes a fragile ideal - nature, and we are part of nature, is anything but monogamous. In a book combining solid science and entertaining prose, this pair have produced an informal, but information-packed review of new finds in the sexual behaviour of a wealth of species.

One small flaw must be dealt with first - sexual behaviour studies must retreat from overuse of the poor screw-worm fly. The authors cannot resist numerous word plays on the poor creature's name. As the subject of an early attempt at controlling pest populations, the screw-worm fly initiated the host of studies of sexual behaviour among animals. Barash and Lipton describe sterilization of this insect as largely successful, reducing its population significantly. Screw-
worm flies are monogamous, which reinforced the notion as predominant in nature. However, a 1970s groundbreaking paper indicated monogamy might not be universal in animals. From that start a wealth of new studies demonstrated that it was monogamy that was rare, not the reverse. The screw-worm fly turned out to be a rare exception to the rule, and the basis of comparison for the later research.

Bowing to the expected abuse of "anthropomorphising" biology, the authors eschew "adultry" in favour of EPC [Extra Pair Copulation] in describing the common practice in nature. They show the distinction between "social" and "sexual" pairing. Social pairing includes nest building, territorial defence, raising offspring and other "family matters." Copulation itself, they show, has many more factors involved than simply insemination. Mates must be available, attractive or both. Age, health, even "marital status" may be taken into consideration. And these factors are weighed for "adultery" in animals! Males might need a special physiology or the ability to prevent EPC, even while seeking to achieve it on their own.

As they must, the authors arrive at last at humans. Noting how difficult research on human sexual behaviour is to document, they cite, albeit with many reservations, several noteworthy studies. If nothing else, the work proclaims that monogamy among humans is not the "norm." In relating the studies, they present anthropological data, surveys of modern societies and clinical studies. The authors grind no axes and are quick to criticise studies they feel are suspect. The dearth of valid data, however, leads them to present any plausible suggestion that seems either supportable or capable of further investigation. Throughout the narrative they insist that no predictable pattern can be applied to humans any more than with the other animals. Even our closest relatives all retain individuality among their members.

A running theme in the book is the authors' call for more research. How do female blue tits judge the ability of some males to resist winter cold more than others. "No one knows. [Yet]" and similar statements permeate the book. Anyone fearing there is little in biology left to investigate should read this. The sparseness of their references certainly supports this plea. While much work has been done, particularly in recent years, an immense range of study topics remains to be investigated. Younger readers should seriously consider the number of topics requiring clarification. A valuable book for these and many reasons.

The Truth Is Revealed, But Choice Is Always Ours.......2003-02-13

What I mean by "Truth is revealed, the choice is ours", is the theme of this review. It is also the message in the book, although many readers have misinterpreted the entire theme, believing the co-authors, David P. Barash and Judith E. Lipton, are simply feeding us hard reality and crushing dreams of blissful and faithful marriage. David and Judith are experienced, older scientists, specializing in the observation of birds and apes, with a profound understanding of logic, human emotions, sociobiology and biology in general. They both hold high degrees- Judith has an M.D. and David holds a Ph.D. It is noteworthy, also, that they are a happily married couple and have been so for many years. Their real message and theme from this outstanding book is that although by nature, humans are generally not faithful to their long-term mate (spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend), we have evolved so much that we can chose to be faithful and monogamous to our partner and truly be satisfied, fulfilled and completely happy. Monogamy is not extinct, it is rare. Half of all marriages end in divorce. When a couple has been together for many years, it's world news. It is the greatest partnership, relationship, union, and the most peaceful, happiest and fullest feeling. But it is always the individual's choice. If a partner cannot remain faithful, we now have a reason and explanation for it.

The reason why so many find it difficult to be faithful to their partner for a long time, is biological. Originally, before an evolved society with its ground rules grew from primitive communism, the homo sapien men were polygamous, especially because genetically, nature demanded variety from their offspring. Incest, of course, was formerly practiced to keep a family bloodline, true even to the highest societies, royal dynasties of ancient Egypt, etc. There was a time when free will seemed to bother no one, and men had many wives, shared partners and even shared land. But eventually, power and property was established, much like class systems, and it came to be a violation when someone "outside" the group took one of the wives from another male. Feeling of jealousy and ownership were established and so, when religion began to take over people's consciousness, they labeled this "taking", "adultery". The biological needs of women are important in the scene, as well, in fact, perhaps the most important link. Women's sex cells contain life-giving ovum, enabling them to bear children, and because they are so few and rare in them, they are selective about their sexual/romantic/etc partners. They are far more choosy because it is going to reflect on the ensuing progeny, their children. Men's sperm is abundant and cheap, and they are less selective. It's all down to our biological make-up. This book is very casual about the whole matter and contains not only very scientifically accurate truth, but very genuine humor and witty lines, making reading this book very enjoyable.

This book is very insightful, and opened my eyes about sex, relationships and the many unbreakable "differences" between men and women, such as why do women like tall men ? Why are men so attracted to larger breasts, why are men far more visual and enjoy pornography and why do women act demure and modest in order to attract their mate before showcasing their wild sexual abandon ? These all contain biological reasons. But this does not mean that men are women are not equals, nor are we forever ruled by "animal instincts". We are more intelligent than the animals and have evolved so wonderfully, that we can now chose to be married for a long time with a single mate and live happily ever after.

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The Myth Of Monogamy: Fidelity And Infidelity In Animals And People. (Book Reviews).(Review): An article from: The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality
Gerald McKay
Manufacturer: SIECCAN, The Sex Information and Education Council of Canada
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Digital
ASIN: B0008JCSGW
Release Date: 2005-07-28

Book Description

This digital document is an article from The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, published by SIECCAN, The Sex Information and Education Council of Canada on December 22, 2000. The length of the article is 2224 words. The page length shown above is based on a typical 300-word page. The article is delivered in HTML format and is available in your Amazon.com Digital Locker immediately after purchase. You can view it with any web browser.

Citation Details
Title: The Myth Of Monogamy: Fidelity And Infidelity In Animals And People. (Book Reviews).(Review)
Author: Gerald McKay
Publication: The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality (Refereed)
Date: December 22, 2000
Publisher: SIECCAN, The Sex Information and Education Council of Canada
Volume: 9 Issue: 4 Page: 275(4)

Article Type: Book Review

Distributed by Thomson Gale

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I should know!

Great book, no pajama wrestling!

Another good Gracie book

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu No Holds Barred! Fighting Techniques (Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu series)
Rodrigo Gracie , and Kid Peligro
Manufacturer: Invisible Cities Press Llc
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Paperback

General | Martial Arts | Individual Sports | Sports | Subjects | Books
Judo | Martial Arts | Individual Sports | Sports | Subjects | Books
General | Sports | Subjects | Books
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ASIN: 1931229406

Book Description

This guide for jiu-jitsu practitioners offers 100 lethal positions of striking and grappling combination moves that will give fighters the edge they need to excel in the sport of no-holds-barred fighting. Rodrigo Gracie, winner of the 2002 Pride Fighting Championship, reveals techniques not only for high-level competitors looking to be unstoppable in the ring, but also for amateur fighters looking for new moves.

Customer Reviews:

I should know!.......2007-01-09

I am experienced in BJJ and have taken Muay-Thai for years. That being said this book is awesome. The striking sections absolutly suck but gues what...this is not a striking book. He does good for someone who knows nothing about stand-up. As far as BJJ. It is great. Espesially for someone who is trying to learn MMA. All the tachniques are no-gi so it aplies to MMA. If you want to learn some cross-collar chokes or scarf-holds then look them up online...or use your imagination. This book shows you almost every relivant technique that you need for MMA or street fighting. Why else learn this stuff. IF you buy this book you will be very happy. I return to it all the time to refresh on stuff for training. Great job Rodrigo.

Great book, no pajama wrestling!.......2006-07-06

First of all this book has nice crystal clear glossy photo's, to me that doubles the value right there! I have another book with black and white picture on regular paper and while the content is quite good it just doesn't beckon me to read it like this one. Second of all while the cover shows him wearing a Gi there is no freakin Gi's in the book thank goodness!! If you are sick and tired of every single move being explained...and reach and grab his Gi this is the book for you! No Bath Robe wrestling in here! Third of all this book is easily a $20 book and one of the sellers is selling it new for $9.50, snatch it up before they come to their senses! The other reviewer talked about it like he was going to give it 5 or 4 stars and then gave it 3 for some reason? Great prodution quality, no Gi, all the good moves you need to know, seems like 5 stars to me.

Another good Gracie book.......2006-04-04

Pride Fighting veteran Rodrigo Gracie presents BJJ's approach to MMA fighting in this book. It starts, like most Kid Peligro books, with an introduction in which Rodrigo addresses mental and physical preparation, teaching and learning techniques, adjusting grappling for MMA, picking a strategy and a team. Though each section is brief, I believe their inclusion in this book is a smart move, especially to those who are new to the MMA game. Next, the majority of the book is on techniques. The author basically looks at MMA through the eyes of a jiujitsu specialist, and his choice of techniques and strategy reflects this. His stand-up techniques, for instance, focus primarily on getting into clinching position and taking the opponent down, though he does have some nice distance drills and defenses that lead right into takedowns. He then moves on to groundwork, and spends roughly half of that time addressing the guard. He has separate chapters on attacking from the closed guard, attacking from the open guard, and passing the guard. After guard work he talks about side control, the mount (including back mound), and the knee-on-stomach. Those last two sections were noticeably small compared to the others. The positives of this book were the clear, color pictures (as in most Gracie-Peligro works), the fact that Gracie didn't neglect the striking-as-a-compliment-to-grappling aspect of MMA, the order the moves were in (often a follow-up move was shown immediately after a primary move), and the very clear strategy that was followed throughout the book. I really can't find anything wrong with this book, though nothing particularly special jumped out at me. If you know BJJ, and can figure out that you can hit, most of the ground stuff would be common-sense. I'd recommend this book to fighters, primarily to BJJers getting into the MMA game (to make the transition easier) and to fighters who's primary base is striking (to both address the ground game, and to learn how to use their strikes on the ground as part of an overall strategy).

Book Description

This new tool is designed to facilitate communication among Spanish- and English-speaking construction communities--improving quality of performance and job-site safety. It features the most common words and phrases used in the construction industry with easy-to-follow pronunciations. Extensive building systems and tools illustrations make this publication a unique and valuable reference.

The dictionary includes: English-to-Spanish translations Spanish-to-English translations Phonetic pronunciations Useful on-the-job phrases Unit conversion factors and tables Illustrated sections of tools and equipment for each trade

An essential tool for contractors, construction workers, architects, building officials, and students in apprenticeship and training programs.

This book is a collaboration with the International Conference of Building Officials, who extensively researched the most-needed terms, as well as with Rolf Jensen & Associates, noted building code consultants.

Customer Reviews:

Some fluff, little substance.......2005-04-10

Substance is minimal. The terminology is not day-to-day but technical and geared to projects with many trades and workers. Hopefully, somebody is not referring to this book to explain to a worker the technical details of a fire sprinkler system, but, there are about 15 entries for various types of fire sprinklers. Unfortunately, there is not consistent detail for all trades - the book would (should?) then be ten times as thick.
If you are seeking something to help you and one or two house construction laborers communicate, this isn't it.
There are 107 pages of straight English-Spanish word conversions, in very large type, the "S" pages averaged 15 per page, so you're getting about 1,600 words, many of which are repetitive.
Many words have two translations, but no help as to which to use.
These 107 pages are just as easily found in any on-line translation dictionary.
The 5 pages of "useful phrases" were helpful - again, geared towards a large construction site where your normal translator is on vacation and you have to fill in. BUT, ONLY 5 pages.
Tools span (span = luz, or vano, or claro, wonder which will convey my meaning) 7 pages and would have been a great place for illustrations, but no.
The illustrations are meager and not particularly helpful. The sketches on the cover are not included in the book - deceitful advertising. My first grader's illustrated spanish-english dictionary with one page devoted to a jobsite was more helpful.
Save your money. Don't spend it on this.

Just a few of the words I hoped to find, but didn't:
Deep, dirt, driveway, fill, place, pour, smooth, soak...
Very deficient in verbs.

A note to R. S. Means, who's books, guides, and standards I have used for decades - pull this book off the shelf and start over, you are damaging what used to be a good name.

Potable Water?.......2002-10-08

Potable Water is the proper construction term and that is what it is known as industry wide. This is a construction dictionary not a slang dictionary. I am buying it!

Don't bother sending for this one........2001-11-23

Just in looking at the sample pages I decided this book was not worth sending for. A good example is "Agua Potable".....translated to "Potable water" in English. Ask the typical American for Potable Water and 9 out of 10 people won't know what you're talking about. Ask those same people for Drinking Water and you'll get a response.
The translations are very poor, and obviously not done by a native English speaker.

Book Description

With the debate over same-sex marriage boiling over into court action, civil demonstration and even legislative debates and proposals, you may think you've heard all of the arguments pro and con on this divisive issue.But what you probably haven't heard are concrete, rational reasons why same-sex marriage is or is not a good idea for individuals and communities. Dr. Bill Maier and Glenn T. Stanton, both experts in the fields of psychology and sociology, offer such reasons. Arguing against same-sex marriage and parenting in Marriage on Trial, they draw on current social science research to offer clear and cogent answers to the questions at the center of the debate, including

Is marriage a public or private matter?
Can marriage be redefined, legally and socially?
How will allowing marriage between homosexuals affect families and communities?
How does same-sex parenting affect children?

Helping you sift through the emotion, the rhetoric and the myths, Stanton and Maier provide in this book a compelling counter-argument to those who advocate homosexual marriage and a thought-provoking assessment of the psychological and sociological harm that homosexual marriage (if legalized and legitimized) will do to communities and children.

Customer Reviews:

Marriage natural?.......2006-05-25

If this author did his research he would know that marriage has changed throughout history and it is a social construct. A good book to read is "Marriage, a History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage". Look at history not the dogma that fits a moralistic perspective. , what are these people afraid of? Critical thinking?

A Must Read for All Teachers.......2005-12-04

I read Marriage on Trial with an open and curious mind. Marriage on Trial draws from hard evidence and well-known studies to back up their facts. I could find no hate for homosexuals in this book, only love for the person and an exposure of lies and myths.

This book should be the definitive guide to equipping open-minded citizens in answering questions about homosexuality. After reading Marriage on Trial, I walked away educated, concerned yet feeling compassionate. A good book for K-12 teachers.

An excellent resource........2005-08-30

As a clinical psychologist, I found Marriage on Trial a very informative book. Much of the debate over homosexual marriage is argued based on emotion. Rarely are facts exposed as they are by Stanton and Maier.

There are no value-free world view. Everyone begins discussing this issue with a bias on questions of morality and religion. Stanton and Maier are clear about their world view and presuppositions. However, they make a compelling case to perserve marriage even apart from religious argument.

A must read for anyone interested in defending traditional marriage!

Unnatural?.......2005-04-17

"We act as if marriage is simply a human invention, rather than something rooted in nature."

I think we should discuss same-sex marriage. Using manipulated religious beliefs to justify your opposition to the issue is pathetic at best. On the other hand, pretending that an institution that has remained fundamentally unchanged for thousands of years should be altered without a thought is also ludicrous. This is an issue that should be debated in a rational manner.

If two guys get married, it's a declaration of love. It's also a legitimatization of a sexual preference that some people find morally objectionable. Driving a bulldozer over all objections to same-sex marriages might temporarily stop the commotion, but that doesn't mean it would be fair or even acceptable. On the other hand, whining that two people united in holy matrimony will destroy that institution forever and ever just because they're both women is a rather simplistic worldview.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, this isn't an issue that should be dismissed with beliefs that fail to incorporate human emotions or propaganda that suggests anything other than total adherence to the author's viewpoint is Satanic and evil. This should be discussed in a manner suitable to the importance of the issue.

And believe me, this book fails miserably when it comes to that.

With all due respect, Mr. Stanton, I've never been invited to a bumblebee's wedding. I've never seen tulips get hitched, nor have I witnessed the marriage of bacteria, or squirrels, or galaxies. Marriage IS a human invention. That doesn't make it wrong. It doesn't make it right. But claiming that marriage is "something rooted in nature" is pretty dumb.

There are animals that aren't monogamous in nature. There is sealife that reproduces without the help of anyone else. There are numerous studies showing that homosexuality is an "orientation" in many species of animals. Your point is made moot by biology. Nature is not a rigid set of declarations. Instead, it's about as complex and uninhibited as you could imagine.

If your goal was to preach to the choir, that you succeeded to a certain degree (although I have to wonder, after reading your exercise in politics, if even the choir members wouldn't question some of your more blatant biases). But if you want to legitimately discuss an issue that many people are concerned about, please avoid the sermons and give your readers enough faith to come to their own conclusions without being constantly battered into submission.

Thank you.

Not PC, but informative and helpful -- especially for gays........2005-01-04

I usually approach this testy subject with a few disclaimers:
a) Some of my best friends are gay, and I do not condemn homosexuality;
b) I do not hate all people who are unlike me; and
c) I do not wake up early to eat small children and pets, nor do I set fire to my neighbor's house.

Having noted that, I found this book by Stanton and Maier (another disclosure: I am a journalistic colleague of Maier's) to be valuable both for gays and straights with religious affinities.

There are several obvious clues that Amazon reviewers who trashed this book below could not be bothered to read it, and likely skimmed the descriptive info supplied on this site before launching into reductionist talking points.

The dominant narrative in today's discussions of homosexuality is tied to civil rights. Who, after all, doesn't believe that all humans deserve equal dignity? And certainly, mainstream culture and religious folks like myself, Stanton and Maier must apologize for the lack of dignity extended in the past toward gays and lesbians.

The problem is that many people manipulate this to preempt thoughtful attempts to spur legitimate discussion within our society about sexual ethics, interrelational psychology, child-rearing and other issues. Maier and Stanton have nonetheless used mainstream university studies and many gay writings themselves to erode the conventional wisdom about gay marriage and same-sex parenting. (For instance, it really does "catch" -- even gay-friendly sociologists have found that children adopted by same-sex parents will have a far higher tendency to consider homosexual activity for themselves; maybe that's perfectly fine, but that's not what we've been taught to believe on account of the discounted-but-still-pervasive-and-PC "genetic" basis for homosexuality.)

Maier and Stanton note that the civil rights aspects of the gay movement are alreading growing cloudy. Soon the civil-rights issues will give way entirely to other issues. Already, there is a battle raging within the homosexual community about whether gay marriage is a civil-rights *nightmare,* a "dangerous" effort to shoehorn gays into straight concepts of family and monogamy.

The authors find several distinct camps within the gay community, each with radically different prescriptions for gays and for society. The most surprising of these camps are those gay academics who have demanded respect for gays while still *protecting* society's interest in traditional nuclear family structures.

It is fine for a gay person or a straight person to reject this book's prescriptions for society, for the gay community and for individual gays. But these arguments merit close scrutiny and intellectual integrity, not propagandistic preemptions that are far too common on Amazon these days.

Marriage on Trial: the Case Against Same-sex Marriage and Parenting

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Marriage on Trial: the Case Against Same-sex Marriage and Parenting
Glenn T. Stanton
Manufacturer: InterVarsity Press
ProductGroup: Book
Binding: Hardcover
ASIN: B000N7B856

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